well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
