he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
