my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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