fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
