Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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