Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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