Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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