You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
