did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
