I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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