Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
