You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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