When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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