Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
