Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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