i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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