My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My balls are so social today.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
