It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
