bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
