nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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