Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
