I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
