just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
