first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
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When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
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Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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