Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.