Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.

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  (310): Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat. http://tfl.nu/8e48
  Replies (20) Good night (1838) Bad night (5376)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.

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  (970): The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito. http://tfl.nu/8dlm
  Replies (23) Good night (597) Bad night (3283)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class

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  (785): a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class http://tfl.nu/uh5h
  Replies (26) Good night (4606) Bad night (961)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.

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  (410): i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in. http://tfl.nu/63c6
  Replies (39) Good night (4262) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work

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  (313): These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work http://tfl.nu/lrs5
  Replies (13) Good night (5106) Bad night (625)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

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  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9988) Bad night (1124)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...

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  (850): Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it... http://tfl.nu/c9zy
  Replies (15) Good night (829) Bad night (4197)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

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  (202): He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!" http://tfl.nu/yfbj
  Replies (19) Good night (6553) Bad night (1241)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.

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  (616): There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by. http://tfl.nu/au1s
  Replies (16) Good night (4697) Bad night (1465)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic

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  (765): Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic http://tfl.nu/acyn
  Replies (6) Good night (4948) Bad night (860)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.

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  (701): Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one. http://tfl.nu/mish
  Replies (8) Good night (645) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!

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  (832): DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!! http://tfl.nu/pv1p
  Replies (1) Good night (261) Bad night (661)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.

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  (727): No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/v8lz
  Replies (3) Good night (892) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  see that vagina ? that vagina means business

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  (931): see that vagina ? that vagina means business http://tfl.nu/d7zl
  Replies (4) Good night (543) Bad night (233)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.

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  (304): He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke. http://tfl.nu/5p7e
  Replies (1) Good night (342) Bad night (262)

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