thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same