he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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