The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
