Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
