fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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