Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
