That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
did you just send me my own nude
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
