You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
