So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
