Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
