i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize