Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
