I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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