Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
