I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
