oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize