Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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