i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
