if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
