You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think your dad took our porno
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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