just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
