hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
