things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
