I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
