My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
