oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
