I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
