i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
