After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
