the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
