I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she told me i tasted like america
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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