You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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