im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
