Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
