haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize