So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
