walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
