I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
